Life

Soup Du Poor.

I wandered into the kitchen, half-asleep and hungry, my eyes half-welded shut with the residue of my hasty one hour nap. I fell asleep while reading, which I often do, and awoke suddenly; I feared I had slept in past my 3:45AM wake up call.

I had not. It was, in fact, only dinner time.

I shuffled my way into the kitchen, stepping gingerly on the cold hardwood floor, and began to forage.

Rummaging in my fridge is very much a lesson in bachelorhood (bachelorettehood is a terrible word). Living on my own, I don’t keep much food on the premises, especially snacks as I have a tendency to overindulge when left to my own devices. As the blazing lights hit my face and my pupils recoiled in protest, I saw the following items:

1. Pita and hummus.
2. Bottled carbonated water (no Perrier for this pauper)!
3. Leftover steak salad and frozen berries in the midst of thawing.

Hm. I wanted something warm. I wanted an excuse to use the bright yellow pot I’d bought myself the night before at Goodwill for only three dollars.

Then I remembered the bag of frozen veggies I’d stashed in my freezer, and the bouillon cubes tucked away in my pantry cupboard.

Score.

The best part of living by myself (and there are many best parts, like never closing the bathroom door) is no one was around to judge me for being the laziest cook in history.

I present to you my super-cheap-super-lazy-super-quick soup recipe!

lesoup
SOUP DU POOR!!


INGREDIENTS:
Bag of frozen veggies.
Water. From the tap, ’cause you ain’t fancy.
MSG-laden bouillon cubes. Or broth, if you’re rich.

You’ll also need a soup-sized cheerily colored pot, a ladle, and something to stir your pauper soup. I used a wooden spoon purchased at Dollarama for $1.25 (such liars about prices, am I right?)

STEP ONE:
Rip open the veggies. You can use a knife, some scissors, your teeth — whatever makes you feel good. I used scissors, ’cause I’m dainty and prone to knife slippage. If I’d used my teeth my gums would likely be bleeding.

STEP TWO:
Dump veggies unceremoniously into pot.

STEP THREE:
From the tap, douse those little fuckers in water. When making soup I generally fill the pot up enough so all the veggies are sort of floating there in some kind of liquid limbo.

STEP FOUR:
Begin boiling! Stir frequently if you’re like me and get bored while cooking. Don’t go on Facebook or Twitter because you’re likely to forget what you’re doing and then you’ll set a fire and everyone will be sad.

STEP FIVE:
When the water starts getting hot, dump in some cubes. The box of cheap ass cubes I bought said to put in two cubes per liter of water. I guesstimated that there were about two liters in the pot, so I added four. I didn’t add any extra salt.

At this point, I read the ingredients and was astonished to see MSG. I decided I’m too poor to care and kept on cooking. Keep your spirits up, fellow paupers!

STEP SIX:
When your “broth” is looking good and you’re satisfied with the warmth and crunchiness of your veggies, you’re done. Ladle that shit out or just eat it straight from the pot, it’s your call.

I’m sure a lot of you out there remember the first month in your own apartment being a little tough financially. What are some of your favorite poor man’s recipes? The reason I like this recipe because it requires no actual work, not even cutting vegetables. Therefore, cleanup is actually a breeze. And when you get right down to it, veggies don’t taste too bad when they’re soaking in MSG.

Bon appetit!

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